Some Key Questions to Answer Before Living Together

1. Finances: Who’s paying for what? This isn’t just about rent and bills; think about groceries, home repairs, and the dreaded unexpected costs (like when the fridge decides to become an oven).
2. Space Sharing: How will you divvy up the space? Who gets which drawers or closet space? It’s also good to discuss what each of you needs in terms of personal space. Not everyone wants to do a crossword puzzle together on a Sunday morning!
3. Household Chores: Who does what around the house? Maybe one of you is a vacuuming virtuoso and the other an ace in the kitchen. Setting expectations early helps avoid the “It’s your turn to take out the bins!” argument.
4. Decor and Style: Whose posters go on the wall? Will it be a minimalist haven or a cosy den packed with knick-knacks? A home that reflects both of you is a happy home.
5. Lifestyle and Habits: Night owl or early bird? How will your routines mesh? It’s good to talk about how you each like to spend your downtime, too.
6. Guests and Social Life: How do you both feel about having friends or family over? Some might love a house full of guests, while others might prefer a heads-up a few weeks in advance.
7. Conflict Resolution: How will you handle disagreements? They’re bound to happen, so it’s wise to agree on how you’ll tackle conflicts before they arise.
8. Future Expectations: This is a great time to check in about where you both see yourselves going. Are you on the same page about big things like marriage, kids, or even pets?

Having open and honest conversations about these topics can really set the stage for a harmonious home. Plus, it’s a great way to strengthen your relationship by showing you can tackle the big stuff together. Remember, it’s all about finding a balance that works for both of you.

Below are some examples of useful questions to explore for each section in a little more detail. We cover Houshold Chores in more detail in this article: Taking the Headache out of Household Chores

Finances

1. How will we split the rent or mortgage payments?
2. Should we open a joint bank account for shared expenses, or keep separate accounts?
3. How will we handle utility bills and other recurring costs?
4. Who will be responsible for managing our budget and bills?
5. What is our plan for saving money? Are we saving for anything specific?
6. How will we handle unexpected expenses or emergencies?
7. What are our individual credit scores and debts, and how do they impact us living together?
8. Do we need to adjust our individual spending habits to better align with our shared financial goals?
9. How often will we review our financial situation and budget?
10. Are there any large purchases we anticipate needing or wanting in the near future (like furniture or a car)?

Space Sharing

1. What are our needs regarding work-from-home spaces?
2. How will we ensure each person has adequate personal space within our home?
3. How do we feel about the decoration? Will we merge our existing furniture and decor, or start fresh?
4. What areas of the home are most important to each of us (e.g., kitchen, living room, bedroom)?
5. How will we handle it if one of us wants to change something significant in the home?
6. Are there any particular needs or concerns we have about the layout or functionality of our space?
7. How will we respect each other’s belongings and personal areas?
8. What rules, if any, do we want to establish about the shared spaces?
9. How will we handle the division of less obvious spaces like storage areas or parking?
10. What do we do if one of us feels the need for more or less space in the future?

Decor and Style

1. What style of decor do we both like, and how can we compromise if our tastes differ?
2. Are there any items that are must-haves for each of us in our new home?
3. How will we decide on new purchases for decorating our home?
4. What colors do we want to use in our main living spaces?
5. How can we personalize our space to reflect both of our personalities?
6. Are there any particular themes or aesthetics we strongly dislike?
7. How much are we willing to spend on decorating our home?
8. How often do we anticipate updating or changing our home decor?
9. What is the process for deciding if one of us dislikes something the other wants to add?
10. How will we make our home guest-friendly or comfortable for both private and social occasions?

Lifestyle and Habits

1. What are our work schedules, and how do they influence our living situation?
2. How do we each like to unwind after a day’s work?
3. What are our sleep schedules like, and are there any accommodations we need to make for each other?
4. How tidy or messy are we both, and what level of cleanliness will we expect in our home?
5. What are our dietary habits and preferences, especially regarding cooking at home?
6. How much time do we each need alone, and how will we respect that need?
7. What daily routines are non-negotiable for each of us?
8. How do we each feel about alcohol, smoking, or other lifestyle habits in our home?
9. How active are we, and what accommodations might we need for exercise or hobbies?
10. How do we balance social time with alone time in our shared living space?

Guests and Social Life

1. How often do we feel comfortable having guests over?
2. How do we handle overnight guests?
3. Are there any rules or expectations we have for parties or gatherings?
4. How will we communicate and plan for social events at our home?
5. Do we want to set any boundaries regarding the frequency of social activities?
6. How will we handle it if one person needs more quiet or alone time while the other wants to entertain?
7. What is our protocol for inviting guests—do we need to ask each other before making plans?
8. How do we feel about each other’s friends and family visiting?
9. Are there any traditions or social events that are particularly important to each of us?
10. How will we manage shared responsibilities when hosting events together?

Conflict Resolution

1. How do we prefer to communicate when we’re upset?
2. What strategies have worked for each of us in past conflicts?
3. How can we ensure we’re both feeling heard and understood in a disagreement?
4. What are absolute no-gos in our arguments (e.g., yelling, name-calling)?
5. How will we take a break if a conflict gets too heated?
6. How do we apologize and make amends when one of us has hurt the other?
7. What role do forgiveness and patience play in our relationship?
8. Are there any topics we need to handle with particular care?
9. How will we proactively address issues before they become bigger problems?
10. What resources or external help (e.g., counselling) would we consider if we can’t resolve conflicts on our own?

Future Expectations

1. What are our long-term relationship goals, and how does living together fit into them?
2. Are we open to the idea of marriage or long-term commitment, and what does that look like for us?
3. How do we feel about pets? Are we planning to have any in the near future?
4. Do we have any plans or desires regarding children?
5. How will we handle it if one of us gets a job offer in another city or country?
6. What are our individual career ambitions, and how do we plan to support each other?
7. How do we see our relationship evolving in the next five years?
8. Are there any personal goals or aspirations that could affect our living situation?
9. How will we handle changes in our family dynamics (e.g., caring for elderly relatives)?
10. What steps can we take now to prepare for a secure future together?

These questions can foster deep and meaningful conversations, paving the way for a smooth transition to living together. They’ll help ensure that both partners’ needs and expectations are met, contributing to a supportive and more harmonious home environment.

If you get stuck, always remember that we’re here to help.